“Say hello,” turned into “don’t open the door if we’re not home and he comes knocking,” turned into “has he ever?” turned into “nothing happened, we over exaggerated,” turned into “they will never want to come visit anymore” turned into she was only six, I had already blown out my fifteen candles and filtered out the bad memories...
On romanticizing mental health and reflecting on toxic relationships.
I am a nervous wreck. My anxieties have skyrocketed and I feel a pit in my stomach. I can never tell whether these are signs of caution or excitement. The situation feels so surreal. I don’t know how to react.
After getting home from work today, I decided to go for a short walk, as the day was too beautiful to waste away.
Do not let your turntable weep, she needs you more than she loves you, while you lie next to him gazing through the white ceiling, white walls, white heart...
When I think about being in the woods, I think about folk/americana inspired music or upbeat pop inspired music. Music that makes me feel like I am setting off on an adventure.
Do not romanticize my bitter words, my sharp breaths, my poisonous tongue.
...but it made the seemingly endless cycle that much more unbearable. I get up, I drink a protein shake along with some toast with almond butter, I shower, I go to work, I stay up late doing nothing at all, and I repeat, day after day after day. I haven’t yet learned how to break this. Simply put… I’m bored with the monotony of my life.
This summer I have been dragging one of my brothers out for day trips and short hikes. Here are some photos from a drive to the Buffalo River, where we did a bit of hiking:
As of this week I have been an Arkansas resident for five years and it has been the wildest, most heartbreaking, exhilarating, creativity inducing time of my young life. And it has been perfect. It is here that I have fallen in and out of love with others, with career choices, with nature, with my writing, and with myself.